Adult friendships are very different from the childhood friendships we had in so many ways and they way that they end can also be tricky, if not difficult. There are a few reasons why we want to end friendships even ones that we share a familiar spiritual background:
1. Sometimes we just grow out of them: You no longer have the same spiritual beliefs etc.
2. We loose touch and grow apart: A week of no talking turns into a month and so on...
3. We find that our wounds and their wounds don't mesh well together: This often causes discord between two people because we always find ourselves misreading each other and/or triggering each other. This may be helpful to bring to the surface what needs to heal but when its a friend you are around all the time its hard to remain safe enough to heal everything as fast as it comes to the surface.
As we grow we learn that adult friendships come and go and that the true friendships we have are the ones that do grow with and are constantly learning from one another. If we have one true friendship then we can really call ourselves lucky.
The inspiration for this blog was a recent spiritual friendship of mine that was lost. This is someone that I called a friend and who I loved going to for spiritual advice. Even if I didn't always agree with his advice, I would still reflect on it and try and understand the reason that message came to me through him. However one day we had gotten into an argument. I told my truth and he told his, although his truth consisted of telling me that my truth was "in my ego". After the end of my argument I later gave my most heartfelt apology. I told him I was sorry and that I was working on that part of myself that caused me to react the way I did in our argument. His response was just, "its all good on my end". One argument and he had turned his back on me. He acted like he couldn't even be near me.
Right away I felt the feeling of invalidation, and that I opened myself up to my faults all to just get shut down. I was going through all the traditional astrological cancer sign moods. However, after about 15 minutes of allowing myself to feel everything that was coming up I realized something about myself. I realized I wasn't the pre-spiritual self anymore. That person who would would take this rejection and turn it into negative self talk and turn inwards. This person would say, "What is so invaluable about my friendship that he could so quickly turn on me?", "what is wrong with me?", and "why couldn't I make things better?". Then, I remembered there was another person who I grew from. The person who was beginning this spiritual journey who would say, "He is just in his ego", "He couldn't take my apology because he hasn't healed his wounds", "I feel sorry for him", "He is so closed off and unwilling to forgive".
I was no longer that person either. I no longer needed to define someone as "right" and someone as "wrong" and instead looked at what had happened as purely information. What he helped me to bring to light was wounds of insecurity that were still lingering. The most important one was my bottomless need for validation from other people that I am a good friend. I learned that this theme of validation from a friend had come up in my life so many times. I was given opportunities to look at this belief that wasn't serving me but I ignored it and thus continued to remain unhealed. It would come as people who would come in and out of my life where I felt like I must have not done enough or been enough, otherwise they would have stayed. I remembered that I do not need this validation which was obvious but not applied to my life when it mattered the most.
I also realized that my wounds coming up in the midst of our argument was triggering his own wounds, whatever they were. Perhaps it was just too much and that I can understand. I can empathize because I was right there with him in hurt and that was what we had in common. From all of this I can honestly say how grateful I am that we had this argument. It gave me the opportunity to realize how ridiculous this insecurity was and how much I needed to give my own self the validation I wanted because only then would I feel fully satisfied because no matter how much others validated me I would have always wanted more.
With that being said, yes, I have felt my sadness of the lost of the friendship however I am glad that I can move on in peace. I continue to send my love and wish him the happiness and love in life that I wish for myself. I encourage you to try the same with a friend who is no longer in your life. Send them love and wish them the same happiness in life you wish for yourself. It may not feel genuine at first and depending on the feelings you have for this person, you may not want to do this at all but it will truly help you in the end to bring some peace within yourself, healing, and closure.
Lots of love and crystal joy to you!
<3 Leiah
1. Sometimes we just grow out of them: You no longer have the same spiritual beliefs etc.
2. We loose touch and grow apart: A week of no talking turns into a month and so on...
3. We find that our wounds and their wounds don't mesh well together: This often causes discord between two people because we always find ourselves misreading each other and/or triggering each other. This may be helpful to bring to the surface what needs to heal but when its a friend you are around all the time its hard to remain safe enough to heal everything as fast as it comes to the surface.
As we grow we learn that adult friendships come and go and that the true friendships we have are the ones that do grow with and are constantly learning from one another. If we have one true friendship then we can really call ourselves lucky.
The inspiration for this blog was a recent spiritual friendship of mine that was lost. This is someone that I called a friend and who I loved going to for spiritual advice. Even if I didn't always agree with his advice, I would still reflect on it and try and understand the reason that message came to me through him. However one day we had gotten into an argument. I told my truth and he told his, although his truth consisted of telling me that my truth was "in my ego". After the end of my argument I later gave my most heartfelt apology. I told him I was sorry and that I was working on that part of myself that caused me to react the way I did in our argument. His response was just, "its all good on my end". One argument and he had turned his back on me. He acted like he couldn't even be near me.
Right away I felt the feeling of invalidation, and that I opened myself up to my faults all to just get shut down. I was going through all the traditional astrological cancer sign moods. However, after about 15 minutes of allowing myself to feel everything that was coming up I realized something about myself. I realized I wasn't the pre-spiritual self anymore. That person who would would take this rejection and turn it into negative self talk and turn inwards. This person would say, "What is so invaluable about my friendship that he could so quickly turn on me?", "what is wrong with me?", and "why couldn't I make things better?". Then, I remembered there was another person who I grew from. The person who was beginning this spiritual journey who would say, "He is just in his ego", "He couldn't take my apology because he hasn't healed his wounds", "I feel sorry for him", "He is so closed off and unwilling to forgive".
I was no longer that person either. I no longer needed to define someone as "right" and someone as "wrong" and instead looked at what had happened as purely information. What he helped me to bring to light was wounds of insecurity that were still lingering. The most important one was my bottomless need for validation from other people that I am a good friend. I learned that this theme of validation from a friend had come up in my life so many times. I was given opportunities to look at this belief that wasn't serving me but I ignored it and thus continued to remain unhealed. It would come as people who would come in and out of my life where I felt like I must have not done enough or been enough, otherwise they would have stayed. I remembered that I do not need this validation which was obvious but not applied to my life when it mattered the most.
I also realized that my wounds coming up in the midst of our argument was triggering his own wounds, whatever they were. Perhaps it was just too much and that I can understand. I can empathize because I was right there with him in hurt and that was what we had in common. From all of this I can honestly say how grateful I am that we had this argument. It gave me the opportunity to realize how ridiculous this insecurity was and how much I needed to give my own self the validation I wanted because only then would I feel fully satisfied because no matter how much others validated me I would have always wanted more.
With that being said, yes, I have felt my sadness of the lost of the friendship however I am glad that I can move on in peace. I continue to send my love and wish him the happiness and love in life that I wish for myself. I encourage you to try the same with a friend who is no longer in your life. Send them love and wish them the same happiness in life you wish for yourself. It may not feel genuine at first and depending on the feelings you have for this person, you may not want to do this at all but it will truly help you in the end to bring some peace within yourself, healing, and closure.
Lots of love and crystal joy to you!
<3 Leiah
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